Interview: Nabilah Said
Natalie Wang So how did you get introduced to the SingPoWriMo Facebook group? I think you’ve been taking part since 2015?
Nabilah Said My Day 1 poem was not great. But I remember I just wanted to be part of it.
I can't remember the first time I ever saw the group – I didn't even know anyone on it I think. And I definitely like wouldn't have called myself a poet at that time. The idea of the prompts really helped, because then it felt like a game, something that you can respond to, as opposed to, Show us a poem! And obviously now when I look back I'm like, okay it was terrible, but at the time, I was quite happy to have created something.
But I do feel like Facebook, and like the SingPoWriMo group really helped start conversations and start friendships. I think there was once that someone wanted to be my friend, and I somehow started a conversation with them on Messenger. And they were like, Oh, I'm such a big fan! and I was like Huh? I've only written three poems. It made me rethink my friendships, because it's not like I'm your fan - it's I want to be your friend, because you wrote something that touched me, or really resonated with me.
NW That is actually really refreshing to hear! There are a lot of panels where they ask young writers about writing in the social media age. And a lot of the times, we're talking about the anxiety of being online, and the stress of Oh, did I not get enough likes for my poem?
NS I feel like the magic moments are there, if they happened enough times for me to still be on Facebook and still participate a lot. Obviously, there's also insecurity. I remember posting a poem and I got a comment that wasn't even negative, but you can't tell tone online. So I read it in a negative way, and I was like, Aw, I don't want to write already. Because poetry is sometimes so personal, a comment can affect you a lot.
NW And it’s very different from a writing group, where you can actually sayang the person, when you realize that they've taken it negatively.
NS And I definitely am a very sensitive person as well. So if I do feel down about something, I’ll take a break. And I feel like it's actually okay to take a break, you don't have to do the whole thirty days to feel like you've achieved something. That need to fulfil all requirements can be very Singaporean. Also I only ask for #gentlecrit; all the crit I receive must be gentle, if not I can't do it.
NW And that the fact that we have a #plscrit and a #gentlecrit hashtag in itself, I think it's mind-blowing to an outsider.
NS Actually, it makes sense. So when I moderate play readings, I'm the halfway person between the audience who's giving feedback and the playwright. And if someone gives very negative feedback or is worded in a certain way, the playwright will be affected, because it is also a very personal thing. But as the moderator I can reword the question, I can tell the playwright, Oh you don't have to answer, it's just an opinion, but when it's online, there's no moderator who be like, Eh, ignore whoever's comment lah, or, Oh, I think what they meant is... You know, you don't have that person.
That’s the beauty and also the negative part about being on Facebook. Everyone has an opinion. So, it makes sense to me to ask for #gentlecrit, because what I can handle in that moment is a gently worded suggestion. It's also a way to manage your own mental health, as well. I appreciate that there are options actually, because you are signaling to others how to treat you.
NW You said you weren't previously comfortable calling yourself a poet, but you’re more comfortable doing that now. What caused that change in mindset?
NS I'm more mature now. It didn't make sense for me to have those qualifiers, like, Oh, I'm just a playwright, but I'm a beginner for poetry, but I also write theatre reviews and was a journalist. So I started owning those identities more. It wasn't just a poetry thing, it also took a while for me to claim the identity of “playwright”, because you feel like you have to somehow prove your worth. But after a while, I realise no, it's about getting comfortable with calling yourself something. And you can grow within that identity as well.
NW What do you think that writers need to do more of?
NS The idea of silos is talked about when we talk about the Singapore poetry scene. But generally, I think silos is a very Singaporean thing as well. We’re used to everything being categorised. My friends from theatre may not be as comfortable attending spoken word events or poetry readings, because they feel like they are not poets, for example... but how can we change that?
So maybe we need more coaxing, and for us to all congregate in one space. Sometimes I wonder why don't I go to more events that are not my art form. And I don’t just mean writing, but also music, and visual art. And it's not as though you don't like it, but maybe you’ve been conditioned to see those forms as separate, when they can bleed into each other quite naturally.
NW I really wanted to ask you a lot about 'Inside Voices'. I've not read it yet as it was published by a British press, though it’s reviews indicated it had a very specific Malay-Singaporean context, which even the average middle-class Chinese person is not going to know or understand. And it was staged in London! It was even once described to me as a play that was a deliberate middle-finger to white people. How was that?
NS I had to be quite careful about it. Because on the one hand, it was almost like a political statement. Like, yes, there's such a thing as Malay-Muslim Singaporean, and especially because it was staged after the buzz of Crazy Rich Asians as well. And at the same time, I really enjoyed my time in London. And while it kind of was a middle-finger to some extent, I didn't want it to be an angry, shouty play, as it’s not a thing that I like to do in my work. But at the same time, I was trying to make my political statement about existing. Like Yeah you, you may not know about us, but we know about you, and we speak your language, but when we speak Malay, you don't understand it!
That was why I wanted to write Inside Voices. I didn't expect it to do so well. So I knew that there would be three women in the play, and they're all Malay and Muslim. And I knew that I didn't want to cast anyone who couldn't speak Malay or who was not Singaporean. Just because the textures of the language that they were, even when it was in English, was very specific. And I had one or two readings with UK-based actors who were people of colour. But the sound wasn't quite right. So even though they were actors trained to perform, and they performed really well, the sound was slightly off, and that slight off-ness was enough for me to be like, I want Singaporean Malay women to read this. So we flew two actors from Singapore (Siti Zuraida and Suhaili Safari), and the other actor (Nur Khairiyah Ramli) was based in London. And I could only do that by applying for National Arts Council funding.
But basically that's the idea of staking your claim in the right to exist, especially in a place like the UK, which is increasingly becoming a lot more nationalistic. For me as a foreign student, I was like, Okay, what can I do here? How can I use my voice here? So we got a grant and then after that, our team was like, all-Women, all-Asian, and more than half were Singaporean, because that was the conditions to get the grant. Everything about that was like a political statement. And I was playing a very educational role because I needed to educate people about what Singapore is like, you know, what is Singapore, what is Malay, what is Muslim? They have differing understandings about all those three things. And for me, like those three identities, are just like me, right? It's not complicated. But when you have to distill it to people and explain it separately, it becomes... it's quite a labor, but I was like, Okay lah, this is what the work needs.
NW Do you have any advice for Singaporeans who then go overseas and feel pressured to change their voice, to be more understandable and everything – whether from changing the accent or to use a very specific type of vocabulary or speak of specific topics?
NS I actually felt that when I went overseas, it was actually like a very good time to be a minority. Or at least the London theatre scene was very open. For example Inside Voices was in this festival called the Vault Festival. And I think Lyn Gardner (British Theatre Critic, formerly at The Guardian) gave us a mini review. And then she was like, oh, if this was three years ago, this play would not have been in this festival at all. Like it's just now that the person that was curating the festival was literally looking for different stories and different voices. So in a way, I came at the right time.
I can understand what you're saying about people who felt pressurised to change, but I feel that we are in a slightly better kind of like environment now. We have to seize opportunities and go for the things that we can go for and make the best out of existing situations that is. I feel like when you change your voice or when you pretend to be something you're not, you can probably do it like for one work, but then after that... I don't know, I feel after that will not feel right already. Like just not being true to your voice. Which is a pity.
NW Thank you for that. And also a good reminder, because I think sometimes the pressure is also internalized. Also I have to ask. What's the last thing you read?
NS Actually the last thing I read was Alfian Sa'at's Collected Plays Three. Because I moderated – not just because I moderated it – but I moderated his book launch, so I really wanted to read it to understand what I was going to talk about, but that one was a work of translation. So I wanted to see what went into his thought process. I read the plays in English, but I had watched all of them in Malay. And then as I was reading it, it was like a test of my Malay skills. And, it was quite interesting even if it was translated, there were some words that he chose to retain. So it was like, I was reading it, but I was also thinking about his own process of translating it, and what he chose to explain and what he didn't.
The other book that I have not read it, but I wanna read and have is Hamid Roslan's parsetreeforestfire.
NW I want to read it as well! I haven't gotten my copy yet.
NS It looks very interesting right?
NW . I first read his stuff in SingPoWriMo, and I was blown. It’s not quite what you expect Singlish poetry to be.
NS But that's the thing right? Like, it's so amazing. But there’s nothing to stop you from creating your own method and your own style. And in a way you also don't want to be you do the same thing that he does, right? I heard him reading one of the poems at a book launch. And it was very exciting to hear him read it. Because maybe it's his particular style, but it comes with his voice as well. It's not just like, you read it, and then it's your own. Somehow it comes with another voice. And yeah, it made me really excited to read the book.
NW Have you read Marylyn Tan's Gaze Back?
NS No! I've not!
NW Yeah I just think you will like it.
NS I think I would like it too; a few people have mentioned it to me. Okay, I should read it. I’m very excited by books that challenge the form and there's been conscious thought put into how you will encounter the book as a reader. That's very exciting for me. And I feel like Hamid's book is one of them. And then maybe that's why I enjoy reading Alfian's book, because it wasn't just like reading a play - I was also wondering about his thought process.
NW So it's an engaging experience?
NS It's super engaging, ya. And they don't make it easy for the reader as well, you need to put in a bit of labor and meet the writer halfway. If I ever write a book maybe that's the kind of thing I want to do.